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历年英语专业八级翻译试题及一些翻译练习
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2003年的全国英语专业八级考试(tem8)的翻译部分(汉译英)

原文全文如下: 得病以前,我受父母宠爱,在家中横行霸道,一旦隔离,拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里,我顿感打入冷宫,十分郁郁不得志起来。一个春天的傍晚,园中百花怒放,父母在园中设宴,一时宾客云集,笑语四溢。我在山坡的小屋里,悄悄掀起窗帘,窥见园中大千世界,一片繁华,自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄,也穿插其间,个个喜气洋洋。一霎时,一阵被人摒弃,为世所遗的悲愤兜上心头,禁不住痛哭起来。

阅学生之译文,笔者发现有一个问题值得我们教师注意,即如何在动笔翻译前,能迅速正确地确定英译的主语。如:

1. 得病以前,我受父母宠爱,在家中横行霸道。 学生译文(以下简称“学译“):before the illness, i was much petted by parents, doing everything at will in the home. 学译:before i became ill, i have received all the favor of my parents, just like a little tyrant at home. 参考译文:before i fell ill, i had been the bully under our roofs owing to my doting parents. 我们知道,汉语表达大多为“意合”结构,结构松散,以一个一个看似并列的短句“拼凑而成,彼此逻辑关系不明显;但英语则不同于汉语,它是形合语言,非常讲究句子内部的逻辑关系的“外化”,所谓“外化”,即,使用connectives来表现其逻辑关系。我国译界有一个著名比喻:汉语句子的结构像“竹竿”,是一节接一节的;而英语句子则像“葡萄”,主干很短,而“挂”在上面的附加成分则很多。可以说,汉译英的过程,是一个由“竹竿”向“葡萄”转换的过程。首先要确定“一节接一节”的汉语句子,选其中的哪一节为英句的“(葡萄)主干”。 上面的汉语原句就含有一定的逻辑关系。“受父母宠爱”是因,而“在家中横行霸道”则是果。“果”应是全句的重心,英译上句,“(葡萄)主干”当选定“在家中横行霸道”而非学生译文所选的“我受父母宠爱”。

2. 一旦隔离,拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里,我顿感打入冷宫,十分郁郁不得志起来。 学译:when isolated and taken into custody in a small house on the hillside of our garden, i felt like i was abandoned, getting more and more depressed. 学译:as soon as i was kept apart in a small flat built on the hillside in the garden, i suddenly felt being consigned to limbo, gloomily and disappointedly. 参考译文:feeling like being deposed into a cold palace, i began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration immediately after i was segregated and confined in a small house on a hillside in our garden. 汉语原句有“四节”,哪一部分应该成为英句之“主干”?“我顿感打入冷宫”,还是“十分郁郁不得志起来”?学译都把“我顿感打入冷宫”处理为“主干”,而参考译文则反其道而行之。细细分析,“十分郁郁不得志起来”和“我顿感打入冷宫”,两者也有主次关系。显然,“十分郁郁不得志起来”为主,“我顿感打入冷宫”为次。两者之间,不仅存在时间先后的顺序,而且还存在着逻辑上的“因果”。因此,参考译文处理得当。另一个值得参考之处在于:“主干”(i began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration)的前后均有附加成分,句子显出“平衡美”。

3. 一个春天的傍晚,园中百花怒放,父母在园中设宴,一时宾客云集,笑语四溢。 学译:at one dusk in spring, flowers were blooming wildly in the garden, my parents were holding a banquet, in which guests were gathering, laughters could be heard everywhere. 学译:on a spring evening, hundreds of flowers were in full bloom in the garden where my parents hosted a banquet. for a while, guests gathered in large number, laughing and talking, which could be heard clearly. 参考译文:on a spring evening, my parents gave a banquet in the garden where a profusion of flowers were in full bloom. in no time, a crowd of their guests collected and laughter was heard all over there. 汉语原句的“节数”增加到“五节”。译成英语,仍应确定正确的“主干”,两个“学译”不谋而合,将“园中百花怒放”, 而不是“父母在园中设宴”作为“主干”来处理。读来,给人一种观比萨斜塔的感觉。相比之下,参考译文则给人一种美感,散发出浓郁的英语味。原因很简单,参考译文选对了英译之“主干” (my parents gave a banquet in the garden)。另外一个值得记取的经验是:汉语原句出现了一个句号,因此80%左右的学生译文,也亦步亦趋,硬性译成了一句,以上两句“学译”也不例外。复观参考译文,我们发现,被处理成两句,从容之中,更多了些干练!

4. 我在山坡的小屋里,悄悄掀起窗帘,窥见园中大千世界,一片繁华,自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄,也穿插其间,个个喜气洋洋。 学译: i stayed in the small flat on the hillside, quietly opened the curtain, caught glimpse of the world in the garden, it was so flourishing: my brothers and sisters, male cousins, were coming and going through, everyone looked pleasant. 学译:in the small cottage on the hillside, secretly i opened the curtain to see the prosperity of the big world in the garden. all of them were delighted, including my brothers, my sisters, and my cousins. 参考译文:i, without being noticed, lifted the curtain in my small room, only to spy the bustle of a kaleidoscopic world down in the garden, and my elder sisters, brothers and my cousins, each full of the joys of spring, were shuttling among the guests. 汉语原句的“节数”有了空前的增加:八节。面对如此长的“竹竿句”,“学译”显得有点“技穷”,无奈之下,以上两句“学译”便依样画葫芦,照汉语原文的感觉走,见一句就译一句,不考虑“节”间关系,不分析时间先后和逻辑内涵。第二句“学译”甚至没有弄清“自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄”和“个个喜气洋洋”之间的关系,不明白“个个喜气洋洋”指的就是“自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄”,而错把all of them were delighted当作“主干”,而把my brothers, my sisters, and my cousins用including作为其中包含的成员处理。 复观参考译文,发现译者在落下译笔之前,对原句的逻辑梳理,非常到位,因此,确定“主干”,也极为果断。“悄悄掀起窗帘”、“也穿插其间”分别作了“主干”,英译就站稳了脚跟。特别值得一提的是,译者在第一个“主干”(lifted the curtain in my small room)之后,用了一个动词不定式短语,表示结果,在这个动词不定式短语前添加了一个副词only,译文顿时生色!这说明,除了经过逻辑分析确定“主干”之外,能活用所掌握的词汇,也极为重要。我们初学英语之时,就已经学到:only to是一个很有感情色彩的表达,其含义是:不料竟会……;没想到会……。

5. 一霎时,一阵被人摒弃,为世所遗的悲愤兜上心头,禁不住痛哭起来。 学译:it was so quick that i felt being deserted by people and by the whole world, bursting into tears. 学译:i couldn’t help crying bitter, with a feeing of being abandoned by others flooded in my heart at that moment. 参考译文:quickly enough, i was thrown into a fist of sorrowful anger at being forgotten and discarded by the rest and could not help crying my heart out. 汉语原句的“节数”有四节。若对句中的最后两节略作分析,不难发现“悲愤兜上心头”和“禁不住痛哭起来”之间是一种先后关系,也略带因果关系,但总的来说,两个短语所占分量大致相同所以处理时,以使用并列句为好,没有必要强调主次。“学译”分别把“悲愤兜上心头”和“禁不住痛哭起来”作为主语,另一个短句作为修饰成分,但读起来感觉分句不是太简略就是太冗长。而参考译文的并列处理则摆平了这两个短句,读起来通顺流畅。 所以,在选定“主干”时,也应当避免形而上学的思维,选择主句的同时,还要深入分析以下句间真正的关系所在,在并列或先后关系的句子中,也不能强行设立一个“主干”,而弄巧成拙。

高等院校英语专业八级考试样题ⅰ section a: translate the following underlined part of the chinese text into english (原 文)  

近读报纸,对国内名片和请柬的议论颇多,于是想起客居巴黎时经常见到的法国人手中的名片和请柬,随笔记下来,似乎不无借鉴之处。  在巴黎,名目繁多的酒会、冷餐会是广交朋友的好机会。在这种场合陌生人相识,如果是亚洲人,他们往往开口之前先毕恭毕敬地用双手把自己的名片呈递给对方,这好像是不可缺少的礼节。然而,法国人一般却都不大主动递送名片,双方见面寒喧几句甚至海阔天空地聊一番也就各自走开。只有当双方谈话投机,希望继续交往时,才会主动掏出名片。二话不说先递名片反倒有些勉强。  法国人的名片讲究朴素大方,印制精美,但很少有镶金边儿的,闪光多色的或带香味儿的,名片上的字体纤细秀丽,本人的名字也不过分突出,整张纸片上空白很大,毫无拥挤不堪的感觉。

(参考译文)  in reading recent newspapers, i have come to find that people in china have become more and more interested in discussing about name cards and invitation letters. this has triggered my reminiscences of the name cards and invitation letters of the french people that i saw when i was residing in paris. in writing down those random reminiscences, i believe that they might provide some useful information for us to learn from.   in paris, all the wine parties and buffet receptions held on various occasions provide optimum opportunities to make friends with all varieties of people. when encountering a stranger on such an occasion, an asian would invariably hand over his name card to the newly-met stranger with full reverence, with both of his hands, even before he starts to converse with the stranger. such an act seems to have become an indispensable ritual (formality/ etiquette). by contrast, an average frenchman seldom takes the initiative to (offers to / volunteers to) present his name card. instead, he would simply walk away after an exchange of routine greetings or even some aimless (random/ casual) chat. only when both sides become deeply engrossed (engaged / involved) in their conversation and have the intention to make further acquaintance with each other would they offer to give their name cards. it would seem somehow bizarre if a french person offers his name card without saying anything to the stranger in the first place.   the french tend to take extraordinary precaution to make their name cards simple yet elegant. exquisitely designed and printed, their name cards are seldom golden-framed, or colorfully shiny, or tinted with fragrant smells. the letters as appear on their name cards tend to be diminutive but beautiful, not allowing the name of the card-bearer to be overly prominent/salient. the entire card contains much empty space, imparting no sense of over-crowdedness. section b: translate the following underlined part of the english text into chinese

(原 文)  four months before the election day, five men gathered in a small conference room at the reagan-bush headquarters and reviewed an oversize calendar that marked the remaining days of the 1984 presidential campaign. it was the last saturday in june and at ten o'clock in the morning the rest of the office was practically deserted. even so, the men kept the door shut and the drapes carefully drawn. the three principals and their two deputies had come from around the country for a critical meeting. their aim was to devise a strategy that would guarantee ronald reagan's resounding reelection to a second term in the white house.   it should have been easy. these were battle-tested veterans with long ties to reagan and even longer ones to the republican party, men who understood presidential politics as well as any in the country. the backdrop of the campaign was hospitable, with lots of good news to work with: america was at peace, and the nation's economy, a key factor in any election, was rebounding vigorously after recession. furthermore, the campaign itself was lavishly financed, with plenty of money for a topflight staff, travel, and television commercials. and, most important, their candidate was ronald reagan, a president of tremendous personal popularity and dazzling communication skills. reagan has succeeded more than any president since john. f. kennedy in projecting a broad vision of america -a nation of renewed military strength, individual initiative, and smaller federal government.

(参考译文)  在离选举日还有四个月的时间,有五个人聚集在里根-布什总部的一个小型会议室里,翻着看一张硕大无比的日历,日历上清晰地标识出了1984年总统竞选剩下的日子。这是六月份的最后一个星期六的上午10时,整幢办公楼的其他部分几近人去楼空。即便如此,这几个人仍将大门紧闭,小心翼翼地拉下窗帘。三个主要人物及其二个副手从美国的不同地方汇聚在一起,召开一个殊为重要的会议。他们的目标是构思出一种策略,来确保里根能再次当选,在第二任期内再度入主白宫。  要谋求再次当选理应轻而易举。这是一些久经沙场的退伍老兵,与里根有着千丝万缕的漫长联系,与共和党的联系甚至更为久远。这些人深谙总统政治,一如他们熟知这个国家中的所有政治事务那样。竞选的背景十分宜人,可供大做文章的好消息俯拾皆是:美国正置身于太平盛世之中;作为选举的一个关键因素,整个国家的经济在步出萧条期之后正强劲反弹。此外,竞选本身所筹得的款项更是不计其数。用于支付一流水平的竞争班子工作人员工资、进行巡回造势、以及制作播放电视广告的钱款绰绰有余。最为重要的是,他们所推介的总统候选人是罗纳尔德· 里根(ronald reagan),一位风度翩翩,魅力无穷,又极具迷人沟通技巧的执政总统。与约翰·f·肯尼迪(john f. kennedy)以来的任何一位历届总统相比,里根更成功地勾勒出了一幅广阔的关于美国未来的前景--美国将成了一个重振军事雄风、民众富于个人进取心、联邦政府更加精简高效的国家。

2002年全国专业八级考试英译汉部分的全文(要求翻译画线部分): the word "winner" and "loser" have many meanings. when we refer to a person as a winner, we do not mean one who makes someone else lose. to us, a winner is one who responds authentically by being credible, trustworthy, responsive, and genuine, both as an individual and as a member of a society. winners do not dedicate their lives to a concept of what they imagine they should be; rather, they are themselves and as such do not use their energy putting on a performance, maintaining pretence, and manipulating others. they are aware that there is a difference between being loving and acting loving, between being stupid and acting stupid, between being knowledgeable and acting knowledgeable. winners do not need to hide behind a mask. winners are not afraid to do their own thinking and to use their own knowledge. they can separate facts from opinions and don't pretend to have all the answers. they listen to others, evaluate what they say, but come to their own conclusions. although winners can admire and respect other people, they are not totally defined, demolished, bound, or awed by them. winners do not play "helpless", nor do they play the blaming game. instead, they assume responsibility for their own lives.

本段文字(9句,154个单词)议论有个性,行文有文采,符合英语专业八级纲(修订本)之规定(英译汉项目要求应试者运用英译汉的理论和技巧,翻译英、美报刊杂志上有关政治、经济、历史、文化等方面的论述文以及文学名著的节录。) 现逐句分析如下: 1. winners do not dedicate their lives to a concept of what they imagine they should be; rather, they are themselves and as such do not use their energy putting on a performance, maintaining pretence, and manipulating others. 此乃本段的主题句,从汉语的表达习惯来观之,句子“欲说还止,拖沓赘述”!然而,这正是英语句法特征之一,浓郁的英语味由此得以散发。

考生译文: a.成功者并不刻意按照想象中理想模式去生活。不把自己的精力浪费在装腔作势,哄骗别人和表现自己上,而是活出真正的自己。 b.成功者不会致力于想象之人生,相反,他们追求真实的自我。因此,他们既不挖空心思刻意作秀,也不装腔作势或者颐指气使。 c.赢家不会置身于一种概念,去想象他们“理当”成为何种人;相反,他们按人性行事。因此,他们不会费神地装模作样,故作姿态,玩弄他人。 d.胜利者是不会按照想象的样子去生活的;而是随心所欲的生活。他们不会把他们的精力都用在人前的“表演”,违心地生活和模仿他人上。 美学分析: 译笔之精当与朦胧,是一对矛盾。精当为“美”,有时,朦胧也不失为另类“美”,审美的“距离”说,早为西方美学家所注意,距离造就朦胧,而朦胧也就造就了美。 winners do not dedicate their lives to a concept of what they imagine they should be. 以上四译基本把握了句子的意思。在表达上真可谓“各显神通”,但认真研读,便发现译文“演绎”有余,“精当”不足。 以译文b为例,“成功者不会致力于想象之人生”,此译似乎是以上四译文最畅洁的一句。但是,what they imagine they should be被译者“浓缩”成“想象之人生”,原句寓意的丰富“外延”被无端扩大了。“想象之人生”,不仅包括了what(they imagine)they should be,而且还可以包括“在何处度过人生”、“有怎样的人生伴侣”等等,不一而足。译文c也经不起推敲。“置身于一种概念”,显然“置身”二字,相对dedicate their lives to而言,属于undertranslation。试译: 成功者不会献身于这样一种观念,即想象自己应该成为何种人。 恰成对照的是,原句中出现了一“朦胧”句—they are themselves。称之为“朦胧”,主要是从逻辑上看,此句的意思略嫌“含混”,什么叫做“他们就是他们自己”呢?“说”了似乎等于“没说”。因此,就有了以上化“朦胧”为“清朗”的四句译文。此四译,虽然掺入个人感悟的“解释性”,并非“空穴来风”,因为原句就很“朦胧”呀。可是,同时,我们不得不承认的是,此四译毕竟有点“强加于人”的味道,其“解释”的寓意的涵盖面毕竟小于原句(they are themselves)!四句译文之间的微妙差异,就能证明这一点。试译: 他们即他们自己。 诚然,此译也许有点晦涩,但是,当被置于上文之语境中,其丰润的含义便不言而喻。就实质言,直译,也是一种美学要求。因为“直译”的精髓是真正意义上的“翻译”,而不是牵强的“释译”,更不是糅合了译者主观想象和猜度的“演绎”。直译,也许会略带“译腔”,也许会略含“朦胧”,但是,此种“译腔”和“朦胧”,正是一种美,只要它不严重违反汉语的表达习惯。 2. they are aware that there is a difference between being loving and acting loving, between being stupid and acting stupid, between being knowledgeable and acting knowledgeable. 此句内容(loving/stupid/knowledgeable)的丰盈,此句形式的整饬(parallelism),也透出了美。 考生译文: a.成功者们能意识到真诚与伪善、无知与表明愚蠢、孔子与南郭的区别。 b.他们很清楚,惹人喜爱和博人敬爱,生而愚笨和行为鲁莽,满腹经纶和举止明智,这些都是截然不同的。 c.他们清楚地意识到装有爱心和真正付出爱心,表现出愚蠢和真的做出傻事,以及表现出学富五车之状和真正做出有才华的事之间的区别。 d.他们清楚地知道可爱和假装可爱,愚蠢和大智若愚,知识渊博和假装博学之间是有区别的。 美学分析: 和谐(harmoniousness),是一种基本的美的形态。

以上四译,让读者感受不到这种“和谐美”,有的只是译文和原文之间刺目的反差以及强烈的文化冲突。 约50%的考生不能正确把握上句中的being a and acting a的句式,不完全明白其中的acting的含义是behaving like or posing as(假装;举止像……;装作……)。以上a, b, c三句译文即如此。 若撇开理解问题,仅就译文中出现的“孔子”、“南郭”、“满腹经纶”、“学富五车”、“大智若愚”等词语而言,便值得商榷。这些散发浓郁汉文化气息的词语用在译文中“美”吗?语言,既是文化的载体,又是文化的折射物。以上四译好似身着西服者,却脚蹬一双中式布鞋! 译文d对being a and acting a的句式的理解基本正确。遗憾的是,该考生竟将acting stupid译成“大智若愚”!(注:使用“大智若愚”的考生占10%左右!) acting stupid=“大智若愚”吗?否。因为,“大智若愚”之“愚”决非“装愚”(acting stupid)之“愚”,而是一种天然流露之真“愚”! 更有甚者,部分考生将being stupid and acting stupid中的acting stupid译成了“扮猪吃老虎”。后经询问,方知如此译者来自广东。“扮猪吃老虎”系广东方言,意思是“故意扮没本事(如‘猪’),后发制人,最后吃掉了‘老虎’”。似乎已不能用“西服+布鞋”写此译,那简直是“西服+草鞋”! 英语汉语皆求整饬美。但是,由于汉语在历史上曾经非常讲究“骈四俪六”,加上其他原因,在措辞方面的对偶和整饬,汉语略胜英语一筹。本来可以凸现汉语整饬美的译文,却在译者的不经意的笔下流失了!如译: 他们很清楚爱与装爱、傻与装傻、真才实学与故作高深之间的区别。 既然上文已经有了“爱与装爱、傻与装傻”的结构,下文何不“顺水推舟”?试译: 他们明白,爱与装爱、傻与装傻、博学和假博学之间的区别。 也有走“极端”的译文: 他们知道爱与装爱,傻与装傻,知与装知之间是有区别的。 译者不应牺牲内容的准确而求形式之整饬。“爱与装爱,傻与装傻,知与装知”的表达不可谓不工整。但遗憾的是,knowledgeable(知识渊博的;有见识的)的内涵岂一个“知”字所能囊括? 语言的“美”,是一个难以捉摸的精灵,弥漫着辩证法则。 3. winners do not need to hide behind a mask. 考生译文: a.智者不需隐居。 b.智者从不需遮遮掩掩的。 c.胜利者不需要伪装自己。 d.赢者不要装哭装笑,他们直面人生。

美学分析: 原句之美,有两点。一是动词hide,二是名词mask。两词,一动一静,形象感强。翻译美学认为:“形象表达”的审美价值一般在“无形象的表达”之上。也许因为感悟到了这一点,nida在1986年出版的from one language to another(《从一种语言到另一种语言》)一书中,毅然抛弃了过去那种“保留内容,改变形式”的偏激提法,而主张内容和形式的兼顾。nida认为,功能对等(functional equivalent)的翻译要求“不但是信息内容的对等,而且尽可能地要求形式的对等。”(not only the equivalent content of message, but, in so far as possible, an equivalence of the form.)以上译文竟对原句形象“视而不见”,任“形象美”白白流失!试译: 成功者无须躲藏在面具后面。

4. winners are not afraid to do their own thinking and to use their own knowledge. 考生译文: a.成功者敢于运用自己的知识去做他们所想做的。 b.赢家不怕运用自己的知识去思考。 c.霸王不怕把想法落实到行动上,不怕理论联系实际。 d.成功人士并不惧怕独立思考问题,并在思考中运用自己的知识。 美学分析: 原句十分简单,似无须“条分缕析”。惜哉,以上四译,皆为逻辑混沌之误译。误译之下,何“美”之有? 50%左右的考生“依样画葫芦”地直译原句中的are not afraid to,如: 成功者并不怕独立思考,不怕运用自己的知识。 翻译不是简单的语言转换,而是审美主体(译者)通过审美中介(译者的审美意识)将审美客体(原文)转换为另一审美客体(译文)的一种审美活动。因而,翻译也常常是思维方式的转变。也就是说,译者应该用本民族的思维方式来表达原文的思维内容,以求译文之“自然美”。正说(affirmation)与反说(negation)之间的转换历来是翻译美学的一个很重要的命题。比如: he thought, not very vividly, of his father and mother. (反说译文)他并不是很鲜明地想到了他的爸爸和妈妈。(正说译文)他模模糊糊地想到了他的爸爸和妈妈。 又如:no one knows where the shoe pinches like the wearer. (反说译文)没有一个人会像穿鞋者那样知道鞋子挤脚。 (正说译文)哪儿挤脚,穿鞋人最清楚。 由此可见,正说与反说,事关审美习惯与价值,译者不可掉以轻心。试译: 成功者敢于独立思考,敢于运用自己的知识。 两个“敢于”的运用,读之,是否觉得理直,诵之,是否觉得气顺? 

5. they can separate facts from opinions and don't pretend to have all the answers. 考生译文: a.他们会剥茧抽丝,区分事实和舆论,而不会假装懂得一切答案。 b.他们虽能把许多事实从意见中区别开来,但不会不懂装懂,好像是百科全书。 c.他们既懂得区分事实和想法,又不会装作是通晓一切的万事通。 d.他们既能将事实和观点区别开来,即使找到全部答案,也从不加以任何的伪装。 美学分析: 莎翁有名言:brevity is the soul of wit。相应汉译是:言以洁为贵。能否改动一字,言以洁为“美”?表达简洁,是交际的需求,也是翻译美学的标准之一。以上四译,美感甚少,原因在于罗嗦和“饶舌”。从“剥茧抽丝”到“好像是百科全书”,从“万事通”到“也从不加以任何的伪装”,均为“蛇足”,在可删之列。 再读以上四译,又会发现:该简时未简,该繁时却又未繁。名词opinions后面的一个s,不能从眼皮底下溜走!它意味深长。此语境中,一个小小的s,暗示opinions(意见)之多,之杂! 此外,separate a from b 也不能率然译成“区分a和b”,separate a from b有别于tell a from b / distinguish a from b,后两者的意思才是“区别/区分a与b”,而separate a from b的确切意思是“把a从b中区别/区分出来”。american heritage dictionary对separate a from b提供的解释是:to remove from a mixture or combination。试译: 他们能够把事实从纷繁的意见中剥离出来,而又不会假装知晓一切。 春夏之交的“红瘦”为美,“绿肥”亦美。就翻译美学而言,简与繁,是一对矛盾,彼此对立而又统一。“删繁就简三秋树”的表达,是一种美,“千树万树梨花开”的表达,又何尝不是一种美?何时该繁,何时该简,这是一个值得探讨的翻译美学大命题。

6. they listen to others, evaluate what they say, but come to their own conclusions. 考生译文: a.他们聆听别人的话,从他们的话中找到价值,再去其糟粕,取其精华,作一番总结。 b.他们聆听他人,提高自己的表达,最后做出他们自己的决定。 c.他们倾听别人的见解,从中获得有价值的东西,最终得出的是他们自己的结论。 d.他们既倾听别人的意见,又尊重他人的言语,下结论时不盲从。 美学分析: 《大纲》把evaluate定为六级词汇。误译此词的考生人数不少!以上四译也不能幸免。值得注意的是,四译均“放过”原句中的重要连词but。英语崇尚形合(hypotaxis)。句中逻辑关系必用各种connectives加以“外化”,因此,原句中的连词but必不可少。虽然汉语重意合(parataxis),以汉语为母语者能心领神会意合句中的内部逻辑关系,但是,在汉译时,究竟使用形合,还是意合,也涉及翻译美学问题。上句系含三个谓语的简单句,第二和第三个谓语之间出现的but既承受了因果,又承受了递进,不可不译。试译: 他们倾听他人,评品他人的言论,而得出自己的结论。 一个“而”字,轻巧而又自如地传递原句的内涵逻辑关系,口吻适中,语气自然。译不好but,语势即中阻,译不好but,表达即不畅。试读: 他们倾听他人,评品他人的言论,但是得出自己的结论。 显然,“但是”两字,口吻太重,语气生硬。 以上分析告诉我们,我们不能奢谈所谓翻译美学,翻译美学建立在双语基本功上,两者不可或缺,犹如“红花”与“绿叶”一般。

7. although winners can admire and respect other people, they are not totally defined, demolished, bound, or awed by them. 考生译文: a.他虽然胜者,同样钦佩和尊敬他人,但他们并不是完全一成不变,不被打倒,不能逾越或是令人生畏的。 b.尽管胜利者可以崇拜和尊重别人,但他们不会盲目相信别人,也不会蓄意攻击,被别人束缚住,他们也不会惧怕别人。 c.尽管胜利者们也可以崇拜和尊敬他人,但他们不是一味地去定义、破坏、限制和惧怕他们。 d.虽然智者也会崇拜尊敬某人,但他们不会因此将自己完全地局限在崇拜心理中,否认,推翻自己的一切,或是畏惧此人。 美学分析: 逻辑就是力量,逻辑就是美。原句的主句连用四个过去分词(defined, demolished, bound, or awed),构成不可多得的parallelism,文思如瀑,思维鲜活。但必须指出,这四个分词的逻辑指向是一致的,表明了winners的处世哲学,表明了winners对于自己的崇拜者的正确态度。(kylepluto按:是否应该说是“对于自己所崇拜的人的正确态度?) 原本一致的逻辑指向,在30%左右的考生的译文中发生了混乱。四个过去分词的逻辑指向竟然并非一律“对己”而言,有的“对己”,有的却“对人”。比如,以上四译中的“令人生畏”(对人)、“也不会蓄意攻击”(对人)、“去定义、破坏、限制和惧怕他们”(对人)和“将自己完全地局限在崇拜心理中”(虽然立足于“对己”,但是其逻辑主语却发生了紊乱。) 也有不少译文并不存在所谓的“逻辑指向混乱”的毛病,但却瑕疵旁出。试读: 虽然赢家能够仰慕尊敬他人,却不会完全被其左右、淹没、束缚或是因此自相形秽。 审美意识告诉我们,四个过去分词(defined, demolished, bound, or awed),排列整齐,形式美观,乃英语不可多得之“整饬美”。惜乎,译者未能细察,未能玩赏。试译: 虽然赢家也钦佩他人、尊敬他人,但是,他们不会完全被人所限制、所摧垮、所束缚、所吓倒。

8.winners do not play "helpless", nor do they play the blaming game. instead, they assume responsibility for their own lives. 考生译文: a.成功者不会扮演求助者的角色,也不会玩盲目的游戏。而是,对他们自己的生活认真负责。 b.胜利者永不放弃,也不是毫不负责地和生活赌明天。相反,他们勇于承担生活的责任。(kylepluto按:靠,还我拿青春赌明天呢!) c.赢家决不会见死不救,也不会怨天尤人。相反地,他们会对自己的人生负责。 d.获胜者不会扮演孤立无援的角色,当然他们也不会参加遭斥责的比赛。相反地,他们知道如何为自己的生活负责。 美学分析: 这两句是“收场句”,也是考生译文“离谱”最多处,这从以上四译可以窥见。 需要指出的是,像译文a和b那样,将blaming game分别译成了“盲目的游戏”和“赌(博)”的考生并不在少数(5%左右)。与“同桌”共析,结论是:也许考生将blaming game误作blinding game或是gambling game了!译文c和d分别将helpless/game译成了“见死不救”和“比赛”等,译笔“失态”矣! 对如此“离谱”译文的分析,若仅仅停留在考生基本功不够扎实,考试时间仓卒等原因层面上,未免失之肤浅。 在众多语言学的研究成果中,最能与翻译“联姻”的,恐怕首推discourse analysis(语篇分析)了,语篇分析的眼光,不仅能帮助我们发现英语原文异样的美,培养译者的理解能力,并能帮助我们创造中文译文中异样的美。 peter newmark曾经对discourse analysis作过以下议论: discourse analysis can be defined as the analysis of texts beyond and “above” the sentence—the attempt to find linguistic regularities in discourse. the subject now tends to be swallowed up in text linguistics. its main concepts are cohesion—the feature that bind sentences to each other grammatically and lexically—and coherence—which is the notional and logical unity of a text. (话语/篇章分析可以解释为超越句子及“高居于”句子之上的对文本的分析—试图在话语/篇章中发现语言学的规律性。其主题现在往往被囊括在话语语言学中。它的主要的概念是粘着性,即将句子以语法和词汇手段彼此连接来的特点,以及连贯性,即一个文本的表意的和逻辑的一致性。) peter newmark的这段议论向我们揭示:discourse analysis至少能够带来两个新视角和新美感,那就是:cohesion(the feature that bind sentences to each other grammatically and lexically)和coherence( the notional and logical unity of a text)。

笔者曾经遐想:翻译教学若是注重这两个方面的诱导和演绎,引领学生观赏原文的“粘着性”和“连贯性”造就的行文美,学生译文也许不会“离谱”如斯。 上句:winners do not play "helpless", nor do they play the blaming game. 下句:instead, they assume responsibility for their own lives. 前后句一反一正,在极强的“粘着性”和“连贯性”中透出了比照,而“比照”则是正确理解前句的“拐杖”。 上文:to us, a winner is one who responds authentically by being credible, trustworthy, responsive, and genuine, both as an individual and as a member of a society.(注:试卷虽然不要求考生翻译此句,但是对理解全文不无裨益。)下文:winners do not play "helpless", nor do they play the blaming game. 上下文虽然“遥隔”,行文的“粘着性”和“连贯性”却未因此中断,前后之“呼应”不是也给译者以正确理解后句的“提示”吗? 无论是“上下句”的联想,还是“上下文”的意识,discourse analysis确能让译者多长几个“心眼”,拓宽译者思路,打开译者眼界,在分析欣赏原文行文的紧凑美,自然美,连贯美和呼应美的同时,理解原文的能力也“水涨船高”。“离谱”译文的数量也会随之锐减。试译: 成功者不会佯装“无助”,也不会玩弄“推诿”,相反,他们承担起自己的生活责任。 我国的美学大师朱光潜先生曾经有过以下精辟论述: 假如你是一个木商,我是一位植物学家,另外一位是画家,三人同时来看这棵古松。我们三人可以说同时都“知觉”到这一棵树,可是三人所“知觉”的却是三种不同的东西。你脱离不了你的木商的心习,你所知觉到的只是一棵做某事用值几多钱的木料。我也脱离不了我的植物学家的心习,我所知觉到的只是一棵叶为针状、果为球状、四季常青的显花植物。我们的朋友—画家—什么事都不管,只管审美,只是聚精会神地观赏它的苍翠的颜色,它的盘曲如龙蛇的线纹以及它的昂然高举,不受屈挠的气概。(朱光潜1982) 三人相比,木商的态度含功利(utilitarian)色彩,植物学家的态度是科学的(scientific),而画家的态度则是美学的(aesthetic)。其实,我们的英语学习,又何尝不是如此呢?英语学习常受功利驱使(为了应试,为了就业,为了交际,等)。功利驱使是一种客观存在。此外,为了学好英语,必须抱科学态度,如植物学家那样。遗憾的是,英语学习者往往到此就裹步不前了。再往前挪一步,就可以达到“柳暗花明”的境地,那就是画家的态度,画家的境界,那就是美学的态度。只有这三种态度的自然融合,英语学习才能别开生面。比如: most of us, however, take life for granted. we know that one day we must die, but usually we picture that day as far in the future. when we are in buoyant health, death is all but unimaginable. we seldom think of it. the days stretch out in an endless vista. so we go about our petty tasks, hardly aware of our listless attitude toward life. (helen keller: three days to see) 然而,我们大多数人都把生命视作理所当然。我们知道迟早我们会离开这个世界,但是,我们通常把这一天想象得遥遥无期。我们身强力壮之时,死亡是不可思议的。我们很少想到死。日复一日,光阴无限。我们为区区小事而奔忙,碌碌无为而不知自身对待生命的态度何等消极冷漠(海伦·凯特:假如给我三天光明) 三个视角,或三种态度来读此段。 首先,功利视角,提醒我们,我们不能对生活抱take life for granted的态度,避免listless(冷漠的)attitude toward life。 其次,科学视角,理解难点:in buoyant(本义:有浮力的)health。 再次,美学视角:in a buoyant mood(轻松的心情);buoyant steps(轻快的步伐)。 对于英语词汇的所谓connotative meaning的玩赏,三者缺一不可。想到了李渔的名言: 若能实具一段闲情,一双慧眼,则过目之物,尽在图画;入耳之声,无非诗料。(李渔:《闲情偶寄》,146页,浙江古籍出版社,1985.) 站在翻译讲台上的教师,不就具有同样的责任吗?所谓培养学生的“一段闲情,一双慧眼”也是不能忘记的。

这篇文章刊登在《科技英语学习》杂志上。是作者对一篇译文的小析和改译。原文出自译林出版社出版的《散文佳作108篇》。打得有点急,欢迎大家来挑错,我会根据你们的指正在文中修改。thanks in advance. glories of the storm辉煌壮丽的暴风雨尤嘉

1. 原文:it begins when a feeling of stillness creeps into my consciousness. everything has suddenly gone quiet. birds do not chirp. leaves do not rustle. insects do not sing. 译文:起初,有一种平静的感觉悄然袭上我的心头。刹那间,万物都突然沉寂无声。鸟儿不再啁啾,树叶不再沙沙作响,昆虫也停止了欢唱。小析:开头一段,并非英语短文常见的“主题句”(topic sentence),而是写暴风雨到来之前大自然的片刻宁静。三个平行结构(parallelism)写得非常漂亮,渲染了暂时的万籁俱寂的气氛。原译对parallelism之美认识不足。改译:起初,有一种平静的感觉悄然爬上我的心头。世间万物,顿时沉寂。鸟儿不再啁啾,树叶不再作响,昆虫不再吟唱。

2.原文:the air that has been hot all day becomes heavy. it hangs over the trees, presses the heads of the flowers to the ground, sits on my shoulders. with a vague feeling of uneasiness i move to the window. there, in the west, lies the answer—cloud has piled on cloud to form a ridge of mammoth white towers, rearing against blue sky. 译文:整日闷热的空气变得格外呆滞,它笼罩着树木,逼得花朵垂向地面,也压得我的肩头沉甸甸的。我怀着隐隐的烦躁不安,信步走到窗边。原来答案就在西边天际,云层重重叠叠,就像一排嵯峨的白塔,高耸在蓝天之上。小析:使用parallelism是作者的强项:it hangs over the trees, presses the heads of the flowers to the ground, sits on my shoulders.此句写得精彩,用词考究,尤其是sits on,妙极!其中there, in the west, lies the answer倒装句,写得很洒脱。试想,若不用倒装句式,那将是:the answer lies there, in the west.滋味何在?在answer之后,紧接一个破折号,细释这个answer,行文之流畅,来自一个倒装!原译不错,仅有“不修边幅”之处,既然以“它笼罩着树木”开句,后面的措词就当考虑形式的齐整。改译:整日灼热的空气变得格外沉闷,它笼罩着树木,逼迫花朵垂向地面,并坐压在我的双肩。怀着茫然的不安,我信步走到窗前。原来,答案就在西边天际:云层重重叠叠,就像一排嵯峨的白塔,高耸在蓝天之上。

3.原文:their piercing whiteness is of brief duration. soon the marshmallow rims flatten to anvil tops, and the clouds reveal their darker nature. they impose themselves before the late-afternoon sun, and the day darkens early. then a gust of wind whips the dust along the road, chill warning of what is to come. 译文:云彩那耀眼的白色转瞬便消失了。顷刻间,棉花糖状的云边变得像铁砧一样平展,云层也露出了阴暗的本来面目。它强行遮住西斜的太阳,使天色早早地黑了下来。接着,劲风骤起,一路卷起尘土飞扬,冷飕飕的,预示着即将来临的一切。小析:入微的观察,是佳作之本。暴风雨来临之前,西边天空的云彩颜色和形状的变化写得何等逼真。marshmallow是一种“药属葵”,the marshmallow rims其实可直译为“葵花状的云边”,而不必译成“棉花状的云边”。原句里的动词impose themselves before被译成“强行遮住”,佳译!“强行”二字,别具风采!句里的early被译成叠音词“早早地”,也属佳译。另外,chill warning运用了transferred epithet(转移修饰)的辞格,无法直译,译者的处理别具韵味,相当成功。问题是,末句里的动词whip,是否可挽留其形象呢?改译:云彩那夺目的白色,稍瞬即逝。顷刻间,葵花状的云边变得像铁砧一样平展,云层也露出了阴暗的本色。它们强行遮住西斜的红日,使天色早早地黑了下来。接着,劲风骤起,鞭鞑道路,尘土飞扬,冷飕飕的,警示着即将发生的一切。

4.原文:in the house a door shuts with a bang, curtains billow into the room. i rush to close the windows, empty the clothesline, secure the patio furnishings. thunder begins to grumble in the distance. 译文:砰的一声,风关上了一扇房门,窗帘也随风扬起,向屋内翻卷着。我急忙跑过去关上窗户,收下晾晒的衣服,安顿好露台上的家什。远外开始响起了隆隆的雷声。小析:作者行文情调不俗,由远及近,由景及人,“我”直到本段才姗姗“露面”,三个动词(rush/empty/secure)的连用,令读者如见其人。改译:砰的一声,风关上了一扇房门,窗帘随风扬起,向屋内翻飞。我急忙跑过去关上窗户,收下晾衣绳上的衣服,安顿好院子里的家什。此刻,远外开始响起了隆隆的雷声。

5.原文:the first drops of rain are huge. they splat into and dust and imprint the windows with individual signatures. they plink on the vent pipe and plunk on the patio roof. leaves shudder under their weight before rebounding, and the sidewalk wears a coat of shiny spots. 译文:最初落下来的是大颗大颗的水珠,扑扑地打在尘土里,在玻璃窗上留下了一个个印记。雨点把排气管敲得叮叮当当,把露台顶棚打得噼噼啪啪。树叶被砸得瑟瑟发抖,难以抬头。人行道铺上了一层亮闪闪的水点。小析:原文句句精彩!拟声词(splat/plink/plunk)的接连出现,行文获得了生动。译者也相应使用了汉语的叠音词(扑扑地/叮叮当当/噼噼啪啪),有异曲同工之妙。原句里的with individual signature在汉译中消失了,令译者,也令读者在感到英语的某些优势之余,也感到一些遗憾。值得一提的是,原句里的leaves shudder under their weight before rebounding译者没有直译(尤其是句中的介词before),译笔自如。改译:最初的雨点很大,扑扑地打在尘土里,在玻璃窗上留下了一个个印记。雨点把排气管敲得叮叮当当,把院子顶棚打得噼噼啪啪。树叶被砸得瑟瑟发抖,难以抬头。人行道铺上了一层亮闪闪的水珠。

6.原文:the rhythm accelerates; plink follows plunk faster until the sound is a roll of drums and the individual drops become an army marching over fields and rooftops. now the first bolt of lightning stabs the earth. it is heaven’s exclamation point. the storm is here! 译文:雨加快了节奏,叮叮当当紧跟着噼噼啪啪,一阵紧似一阵,终于连成一片密集的鼓点,颗颗雨滴也汇集成一支行进在田野和屋顶的大军。这时,第一道闪电刺向大地,这是老天划的惊叹号。暴风雨来了!小析:文章写得抑扬顿挫,富有节奏。从开始的“万籁俱寂”到此刻的“风雨大作”,动词accelerates用得好,连词until用得更好,文势得以贯通。比喻词army/stabs/exclamation point的运用,更是锦上添花。此段以短句(the storm is here)收尾,嘎然打住,韵味萦绕。译文也很精彩,几乎无懈可击。改译:暴风雨加快了节奏,叮叮当当紧跟着噼噼啪啪,一阵紧似一阵,终于连成一片密集的鼓点,零星的雨点汇成了一支铺天盖地的大军,扑向田野和屋顶。这时,第一道闪电刺向大地,这是老天划出的惊叹号。暴风雨来了!

7.原文:in spite of myself, i jump at the following crack of thunder. it rattles the windowpane and sends the dog scratching to get under the bed. the next bolt is even closer. it raises the hair on the back of my neck, and i take an involuntary step away from the window. 译文:随即响起了一声霹雳,我不禁跳了起来,雷声震得窗户格格作响,吓得豿儿三抓两爬钻到床底下。第二道闪电离得更近,我惊得寒毛倒竖,不由得从窗边后退了一步。小析:作者非常聪明地通过写人(“我”)的反应,来反衬暴风雨的威力。除“我”之外,作者没有忘记把豿也给捎上。本段动词(jump/rattles/raises)的使用十分精彩,译文也同样精彩。改译:随即响起了一声霹雳,我身不由己地跳了起来,雷声震得窗玻璃格格作响,连豿都吓得三抓两爬地钻入床底。第二道闪电离得更近,我吓得寒毛倒竖,不由得从窗边后退一步。

8.原文:the rain now becomes a torrent, flung capriciously by a rising wind. together they batter the trees and level the grasses. water streams off roofs and out of rain spouts. it pounds against the window in such a steady wash that i am sightless. there is only water. how can so much fall so fast? how could the clouds have supported this vast weight? how can the earth endure beneath it? 译文:这时,雨下得简直是倾盆如注,狂风吹得雨水飘摇不定。风雨交加,恣意地抽打树木,夷平草地。雨水从屋顶奔流而下,漫出了排水管,不停地泼洒在窗户上,使我什么也看不清楚。眼前只有水。这么多雨水,怎么能下得这么急?云层怎么能承受得住这么巨大的重量?大地怎么能经受得起这样的冲击?小析:表达精彩!想象的发挥更让人喝彩:how could the clouds have supported this vast weight? 读者朋友,你曾面对苍天发此感叹吗?此外,作者使用的动词是经过精心挑选的。如:flung/batter/level/streams/pounds等。而副词capriciously则具有鲜明的拟人色彩。原句里的level用作动词,译者将它译成了“夷平”,似乎过分,webster’s new world dictionary对level提供的释义之一是:to equalize in height。改译:暴雨倾盆而下,狂风助长雨势,雨柱飘忽不定。风雨交加,恣意猛击树木,淹没草地。雨水从房顶,从排水管奔流而下,如同瀑布,不停地瓢泼重击在窗户上,使我什么也看不清楚。眼前只有水。怎么有这么多雨水,怎么下得这么急?云层怎么承受得住如此巨大的雨水重量?大地又如何承受得了?

9.原文:pacing through the house from window to window, i am moved to open-mouthed wonder. look how the lilac bends under the assault, how the day lilies are flattened, how the hillside steps are a new-made waterfall! now hailstones thump upon the roof. they bounce white against the grass and splash into the puddles. i think of the vegetable garden, the fruit trees, the crops in the fields; but, thankfully, the hailstones are not enough in numbers or size to do real damage. not this time. 译文:我在屋里踱来踱去,从一个窗口走到另一个窗口。室外的景色使我瞠目结舌,惊叹不已。瞧,在暴风雨的袭击下,丁香折弯了腰,萱草倒伏在地,山坡上的石阶小道变成了一帘新辟的瀑布!这时突然下起冰雹,乒乒乓乓地砸在屋顶上。顷刻间草地上银珠纷飞,水洼里水花四溅。我开始担心园里的蔬菜、果树,还有田里的庄稼;不过,谢天谢地,冰雹个头不大,数量也不多,还不足以造成什么实际损失。至少这次是不会了。小析:曲径通幽,也是美文的一道风景。平行结构之后(三个how构成),作者笔锋陡转,写到了冰雹。而且是从屋顶写起(now hailstones thump upon the roof.)自然,真实,而又有序。英汉各有所长。以they bounce white against the grass and splash into the puddles一句为例,汉译所设置的意境美,为英语原句不可比。改译:我在屋里踱来踱去,从一个窗口走到另一个窗口。窗外景象使我目瞪口呆。瞧,在暴风雨的袭击下,丁香折弯了腰,萱草倒伏在地,山坡上的石阶小径新辟成一帘瀑布!此刻,突然下起了冰雹,乒乒乓乓地砸在屋顶上。顷刻间草地上银珠乱蹦,水洼里水花四溅。我想到了园里的蔬菜、果树,还有田里的庄稼;不过,谢天谢地,冰雹个头不大,数量也不多,还不足以造成什么实际损失。至少这次是不会了。

10.原文:for this storm is already beginning to pass. the tension is released from the atmosphere, the curtains of rain let in more light. the storm has spent most of its energy, and what is left will be expended on the countryside to the east. 译文:因为这场暴风雨即将过去,紧张的气氛缓和了,从雨幕中透出更多的亮光。暴风雨已耗去了大部分的精力,还有一点余威只能到东边的乡间中去施展了。小析:本段最精彩的句子是:the curtains of rain let in more light。主语curtain正巧应对汉语的“雨幕”或“雨帘”,而谓语let in,轻巧而舒缓,措词正合本文。改译:暴风雨即将过去,紧张的气氛缓和了,雨幕中透出更多的亮光。暴风雨的能量大部分已经耗尽,只能到东边的乡间去施展它的余威了。

11.原文:i am drawn outside while the rain still falls. all around, there is a cool and welcome feeling. i breathe deeply and watch the sun’s rays streak through breaking clouds. one ray catches the drops that form on the edge of the roof, and i am treated to a row of tiny, quivering colors—my private rainbow. 译文:雨仍在淅淅沥沥地下着,我却忍不住走到室外。环境是那么清新宜人。我深深地呼吸着新鲜空气,仰望那穿云而出的道道阳光。有一束阳光恰巧映射在屋檐边的水珠上,我便看到一条细细的、微微颤动的七色彩带 -------- 一条供我个人观赏的彩虹。小析:文章的每一段都写暴风雨新的过程,在描写风雨大作时,句子短促有力,而雨过天晴,句子又渐渐趋长,让读者感受到措辞和写景的天然交融。本段末句,用了破折号,余音袅袅,给人遐思。英语:the sun’s rays streak through breaking clouds。汉译:那穿云而出的淡淡阳光。着眼点不同,一个是through breaking clouds,一个是“穿云而出”,曲异而功同!注:原句里的(i am)treated不能漏译。改译:雨仍在淅淅沥沥地下着,我却忍不住走到室外。四周,是那么凉爽宜人。我深深地呼吸着,仰望那穿云而出的淡淡阳光。此刻,一束阳光恰巧射在屋檐边的水珠上,我非常幸运地观看到一条细细的、微微颤动的七色彩带—一条供我个人观赏的彩虹。

12.原文:i pick my way through the wet grass, my feet sinking into the saturated soil. the creek in the gully runs bank—full of brown water, but the small lakes and puddles are already disappearing into the earth. every leaf, brick, shingle and blade of grass is fresh-washed and shining. 译文:我小心翼翼地穿过那湿漉漉的草地,双脚不时陷入雨水浸透的土壤中。河谷里的小溪满载着浑浊的泥水奔流而去,但那些小水洼和小水坑里的水已渗入地下,都不见了踪影。每片树叶和草叶,每块砖头和卵石都冲洗得纤尘不染,熠熠发光。小析:情景交融,方能动人。作者善用parallelism,末句的主语罗列了四个并列名词,有效地渲染了气氛。改译:我小心翼翼地穿过那湿漉漉的草地,双脚不时陷入雨水浸透的土壤中。河谷里的小溪满载着浑浊的泥水奔流而去,但那些小水洼和小水坑里的水已经渗入地下,都不见踪影。每片树叶,每块砖头,每个卵石,每根水草,都冲洗得纤尘不染,熠熠发光。

13.原文:like the land, i am renewed, my spirit cleaned. i feel an infinite peace. for a time i have forgotten the worries and irritations i was nurturing before. they have been washed away by the glories of the storm. 译文:像大地一样,我也焕然一新,心灵得到了净化。我感到无比的平静。一时间全然忘掉了以往郁积在心头的烦恼与忧愁。它们都已被这辉煌壮丽的暴风雨荡涤得干干净净。小析:此段是在抒情,还是在写景?透过作者的心情的演变,读者分明看到了人和大自然的交融和互动。改译:像大地一样,我也焕然一新,感到心胸一洗。我感到无比的恬静。一时间,郁积心头的烦恼和愤懑也不知去向。它们都已被这壮观的暴风雨荡涤得干干净净。 

本文也是发表在《科技英语学习》上的一篇翻译对比。作者barbara dafoe whitehead(巴巴拉·达福·怀特黑德), 原译者孙静。原译者注:这是一篇关于社会、家庭问题的追踪调研报告。它通过揭示离婚家庭对子女带来的恶劣影响,反映了当今社会普遍关注的家庭观念问题和子女教育问题,也给我们对选择人生道路和生活方式以新的启示。1.biological parents生身父母 2.born out of wedlock 私生儿女 离异与孩子罗漛瑰

1.原文:divorce is transforming the lives of american children. in the post-world war ii generation, more than 80 percent of children grew up with both biological parents. today only half will do so. each year more than a million children experience family breakup; about as many are born out of wedlock. 译文:离婚正在改变美国儿童的生活。二次世界大战后的一代人中,80%以上的儿童都在生身父母身边长大。今天只有半数是如此。每年都有一百多万儿童的家庭破裂;非婚生儿的数量大体相同。改译:离婚正在改变美国儿童的生活。二战后的一代人中,80%以上的儿童都在生身父母身边长大。今天只有半数是如此。每年都有一百多万儿童感受家庭破裂;这个数目与非婚生儿的数量大体相同。小析:本段没有明确的topic sentence,但是文章提供的确切数字给读者留下了深刻印象:80 percent/half/more than a million。

2.原文:at the same time, the problems associated with family disruption have grown. overall child well-being has declined, despite historically high public spending. the teen suicide rate has almost tripled. juvenile crime has increased and become more violent. school performance has been poor. 译文:与此同时,家庭破裂带来的问题层出不穷。尽管政府的开支历来很大,儿童总的生活水平却有所下降。青少年的自杀率几乎增加了两倍,犯罪率也上升了,而且暴行更多。学校成绩甚差。改译:与此同时,家庭破裂带来的问题层出不穷。尽管国家的支出达到了历史上的最高点,总体儿童福利却在走下坡路。青少年的自杀率几乎增加了两倍,犯罪率也上升了,并染上更多的暴力色彩。学习成绩不佳。小析:原文中的grown译成“层出不穷”甚好!historically high public spending被遗憾地译成“政府的开支历来很大”!despite historically public spending其实可以改写为:despite the fact that public spending has reached its high in history。

3.原文:given such a dramatic impact on children’s lives, one might expect today’s high divorce rate to be viewed more widely as a national crisis. yet, those who argue that it poses a serious threat are dismissed as being pessimistic or nostalgic, unwilling to accept the new facts of life. the dominant view in the popular culture is that the changes in family structure are, on balance, positive. and until recently there was little hard evidence to confirm or dispute this assumption. 译文:儿童的生活既然受到如此显著的影响,有人也许以为对今日的高离婚率应看得远一些,说是一场全国性的危机。然而,说它造成严重威胁者也有人否定,斥之为悲观或怀旧,是拒不承认新的生活现实。大众文化主要是认为,家庭结构的变化总的来说是积极的。直到不久前还没有什么确凿的证据可以肯定或反驳这种说法。改译:考虑到对儿童的生活有如此引人注目的影响,任何人都会认为今日之高离婚率应从更广阔的视野去看待,而将之视作一场全国性的危机。可是,持离异对社会造成严重威胁的观点的人却不以为然地被斥为不愿接受新的生活现实的悲观或怀旧者。大众文化的主要观点:家庭结构的变化总的来说是积极的。直到不久前还没有任何确凿的证据可以确认或怀疑这种说法。小析:原文句首的given系介词,含义是“考虑到”。另如:given their inexperience, they’ve done a good job.考虑到他们缺乏经验,这工作他们做得不错。(参见bbs.wwenglish.org/dispbbs.asp?boardid=1&id=84643 kylepluto的另一个帖子《谈英语边缘介词的分类》)另外,“说它造成严重威胁者也有人否定,斥之为悲观或怀旧”的表达也欠圆润,容易引起误解。

4.原文:a 1940s book on divorce asserted: “children are entitled to the affection and association of two parent, not one.” in the 1950s most americans believed parents should stay in an unhappy marriage to avoid damaging the children. 译文:40年代一本论离婚的书曾称:“孩子本应当享有父母双方而不是其中一方的宠爱和亲情。”在50年代,多数美国人认为,作父母的即使婚姻不美满,也要维持下去,以免伤害孩子。改译:40年代一本论离婚的书曾声称:“孩子有权享有父母双方的而不是单方的慈爱和亲情关系。”在50年代,多数美国人仍然认为,作父母的即使婚姻不美满,也要维持下去,以免伤害孩子。小析:the affection and association of two parents比较难译。以“宠爱”译the affection似乎有些以偏概全。改译中添加了“仍然”二字,令行文更流畅。

5.原文:but by the mid-1970s what had once been regarded as hostile to children’s best interests was considered essential to adults’ happiness. “ a two-parent home is not the only emotional structure within which a child can be happy and healthy,” a popular divorce book of this era proclaimed. “the parents who take care of themselves will be best able to take care of their children.” 译文:但到70年代中期,有的事原先说是违背孩子的最高利益,现又认为是对成人的幸福至关紧要的了。“双亲家庭并不是唯一建立在感情上让孩子过得健康快乐的结构,”当年一本论离婚的畅销书如是说:“作父母的照顾好自己才能照顾好孩子。” 改译:但到了70年代中期,曾经被认为是违背孩子的最佳利益的事却被认为是对成人的幸福至关重要的事了。“双亲家庭并非唯一的能让孩子过得健康快乐的情感结构,”当代一本论离婚的畅销书如是说:“只有能照顾好自己的父母才能最好地去照顾他们的孩子。” 小析:原译“双亲家庭并不是唯一建立在感情上让孩子过得健康快乐的结构”露出了译者汉语水平的“马脚”;原译“作父母的照顾好自己才能照顾好孩子”显示译者汉语语感之粗糙。

6.原文:as this optimistic view took shape, many experts believed that the psychological impact of divorce on children was like a bad cold. there was a phase of acute discomfort, then a short recovery. kids would be back on their feet in no time, with no lasting harm. 译文:这种乐观的看法一时形成,就有许多专家认为,离婚对孩子心理上的影响好比患了重感冒。一段时间极不舒服,过后是短暂的恢复期。孩子很快康复,伤痛并不持久。改译:这种乐观观点形成之时,就有许多专家认为,离婚对孩子心理上的影响好比一场重感冒。有一段时间会感到极不舒服,过后是一段短暂的恢复期。孩子很快康复,并没有持久的伤害。小析:“这种乐观的看法一时形成”让读者感到费解。

7.原文:by the early 1980s, however, nearly two decades had passed since the changes in family life had begun. during the intervening years a fuller body of empirical research had emerged: studies that used large samples, or followed families trough time, or did both. moreover, several of the studies offered a child’s-eye view of family disruption. 译文:然而,到80年代初,自家庭生活发生变化以来,已过了近20年了。在这段时期,大量以经验为依据的研究工作脱颖而出:或广泛调查大批实例,或随时跟踪家庭研究,或双管齐下。而且,有不少材料还提供了孩子对家庭破裂的看法。改译:然而,到80年代初,自从家庭生活发生变化以来,已有近20年了。在这段时期,出现了大量以经验为依据的调查研究工作,这些研究或使用大量的实例,或在一段时间里对家庭作跟踪调查,或双管齐下。此外,其中有些研究还提供了孩子对家庭破裂的看法。小析:“脱颖而出”是一个感情色彩很丰富的表达,隐含了赞许和褒扬。如果我们的目光放至全篇,就会发现该成语使用之不当。

8.原文:in 1971 judith wallerstein, a clinical psychologist, and her staff began interviewing middle-class children in the san francisco area at the time their parents broke up, as well as a year later. she discovered no miraculous recovery; in fact, the children seemed to be doing worse. 译文:在1971年,临床心理学家朱迪斯·沃勒斯坦和她的工作人员开始走访旧金山地区一些中产阶级家庭的孩子---他们的父母当时已关系破裂,也有的已破裂一年之久。她发现并没有什么奇迹般的恢复;事实上,这些孩子是每况愈下。改译:1971年,临床心理学家朱迪斯·沃勒斯坦和她的工作人员开始走访旧金山地区一些中产阶级家庭的孩子,当时,他们父母的关系已经破裂,一年之后对这些孩子又作走访。她发现并没有什么奇迹般的恢复;事实上,这些孩子是每况愈下。小析:began interviewing middle-class children in the san francisco area at the time their parents broke up,as well as a year later.一句的末尾as well as a year later的含义并非是“也有的已破裂一年之久”。稍作逻辑梳理,我们便察觉,这句的背景是上文的followed families through time,意在驳斥kids would be both on their feet in no time, with no lasting harm这样的观点。

9.原文:five years after breakup, her research shows, more than a third of the children were experiencing moderate or severe depression. at ten years a significant number appeared to be troubled, drifting, underachieving. at fifteen years many, now adults, were struggling to establish strong love relationships of their own.. 译文:她的研究表明,家庭破裂五年后,三分之一以上的孩子患有中度或严重的抑郁症。10年后,有一大批孩子表现得心情苦恼,变化无常,学习成绩差。15年后,许多人都已成年了,就拼命建立自己的真心相爱的牢固关系改译:她的研究表明,家庭破裂五年之后,三分之一以上的孩子患有中度或严重的抑郁症。10年后,有相对大数目的孩子表现得心情苦恼,变化无常,学习成绩差。15年后,其中的许多人,此时已是成年人,都在努力地建立属于他们自己的真心相爱的牢固关系。小析:原句中的一个插入语now adults值得品味。这个插入语系many的同位语,写得轻巧而得体。原译将它拉长成为“许多人都已成年了”。是否仍可在译文中保留同位语的形式呢?

10.原文:research shows that girls in single-parent families are at greater risk for precocious sexuality, teen-age marriage, teen pregnancy, non-marital birth, and divorce than are girls in two-parent families—and that this is true regardless of race or income. also, children in disrupted families are nearly twice as likely to drop out of high school. boys are at greater risk for dropping out than girls and are more prone to aggressive behavior. 译文:研究表明,单亲家庭的女孩所冒的风险大于双亲家庭的女孩:性早熟,十几岁结婚,少年怀孕,非婚生育,离婚—而且不分种族、收入,都是如此。再者,家庭分裂的孩子中学退学率几乎要高出一倍。男孩比女孩更容易退学,更好寻衅闹事。改译:研究表明,单亲家庭的女孩和双亲家庭的女孩相比,她们在以下几个方面具有更大的风险:性早熟,早婚,早孕,非婚生育以及离婚。这种现象和种族极其经济状况没有关系。再者,家庭分裂的孩子中学退学率几乎要高出一倍。男孩比女孩更容易退学,更好寻衅闹事。小析:“单亲家庭的女孩所冒的风险大于双亲家庭的女孩”和“单亲家庭的女孩和双亲家庭的女孩相比,她们在以下几个方面具有更大的风险”相比,后者是否更具层次感?另外,“十几岁结婚,少年怀孕”改译为“早婚,早孕”看似模糊,其实获得了精确。

11.原文:scholars also find significant difference in educational attainment. according to a 1980 study by the national association of elementary school principals, 30 percent of two-parent elementary students ranked as high achievers, as compared with 17 percent of single-parent students. the children in single-parent families were also more likely to be truant or receive disciplinary action. 译文:学者还发现,在学习成绩上也有显著不同。根据1980年全国小学校长协会的一项调查,成绩列为优秀的小学生中,有30%为双亲家庭的子女,单亲家庭的只占17%。单亲家庭的子女逃学或受处分的也更常见。改译:学者们还发现了学业上的显著区别。根据1980年全国小学校长协会的一项调查,30%为双亲家庭的子女学业优良,比较之下,只有17%单亲家庭的子女学业优良。单亲家庭的子女逃学或受纪律处分的也更常见。小析:原文将30 percent of two-parent elementary students这个信息置于句首,重点突出,译文是否可以保留此语序? kylepluto按:改译中“30%为双亲家庭的子女学业优良”是否应为“30%双亲家庭的子女学业优良”?不知是作者当初多打了一个字还是我抄错了。

12.原文:since most children live with their mothers after divorce, one might expect that the mother-child bond would even be strengthened. yet research shows that only half the children whose mothers were protective before a divorce maintained that kind of relationship after the divorce. moreover, the mother-child relationships deteriorated over time. 译文:由于多数孩子在父母离婚后跟母亲过,有人以为或可以此加深母子之情。但研究表明,仅有半数孩子的母亲在离婚后还能保持离婚前的那种慈幼关系。何况这种母子关系是随时间而衰退的。改译:由于多数孩子在父母离婚后跟母亲生活在一起,人们可能认为母子/女会得以强化。但研究表明,离婚前对孩子呵护备至的母亲大概只有半数能在离婚后还能保持这种呵护。何况,这种母子/女关系随着时间推移而变糟。小析:yet research shows that only half the children whose mothers were protective before a divorce maintained that kind of relationship after the divorce一句的翻译被错误简化了。因为译者漏译了一个重要的限制性定语从句:whose mothers were protective before a divorce。

13.原文:family disruption has been suggested as a central cause of many vexing social problems, as well. 译文:有人提出,家庭破裂还是许多恼人的社会问题的主要原因。改译:家庭的瓦解还被视作许多恼人的社会问题的重要原因。小析:“有人提出”大概是用来译suggested的,有点overdone。

14.原文:nationally, over 70 percent of juveniles in state reform institutions come from homes without both parents present. family breakup is thought to be an important source of high crime rates in the nation’s cities. and, according to one study, its influence is independent of race or income. 译文:从全国来看,在州立的管教所中,有70%少年犯来自非双亲家庭。家庭破裂据称是全国城市犯罪率高的一个重要原因。有一项调查还说,其影响所及,非种族或收入所能限制。改译:从全国来看,在州立的管教所中,有70%少年犯来自非双亲家庭。家庭破裂被认为是全国城市犯罪率高的一个重要原因。有一项调查还说,家庭破裂的影响与种族和经济状况无涉。小析:its influence is independent of race or income中的its在翻译时最好能够还原其所指,因为,汉语使用代词远不如英语那么频繁。此句中的independent of系常用形容词短语,含义是“不依赖…;独立于…”译成“非…所能限制”比较拗口。这与上文的regardless of race or income一脉相传,翻译时的措词最好也能保持一致。

15.原文:nowhere has the impact of family breakup been more profound than in our schools. across the nation, principals report a dramatic rise in the aggressive, acting-out behavior characteristic of children living in single-parent families. 译文:我们的学校受家庭破裂的影响最大。校长们的报告指出,在全国范围内,住在单亲家庭中的孩子所特优的那种寻衅闹事的发泄行为已明显增加。改译:受家庭破裂的影响最大的地方莫过于我们的学校。校长们的报告指出,在全国范围内,生活在单亲家庭中的孩子的寻衅闹事或行为“出格”的特征有明显增加。小析:“我们的学校受家庭破裂的影响最大”足以译出nowhere has the impact of family breakup been more profound than in our schools的强调意味吗? acting-out behavior难在辞典上寻觅到,巧合的是,汉语有近似表达,似可套用。另外,living in single-parent families中的living被译成“住在”,未免太“老实”了。

16.原文:over the past 2 1/2 decades americans have been conducting a vast natural experiment in family life. the results are becoming clear. adults have benefited from the changes, but not children. indeed, this may be the first generation to do worse psychologically and socially than its parents. 译文:在过去的25年里,美国人一直是在家庭生活中进行一场庞大的顺乎自然的实验。结果现已日见明朗。成人从变化中得益,儿童则不然。说真的,这一代子女,也许是在心理上、社会上都不如自己父母的第一代人。改译:在过去的25年里,美国人一直在对家庭生活进行一场大规模的自然的实验。结果现已日见明朗。成年人是此变化的受益者,儿童则不然。真的,他们是第一代人,无论在心理上还是社会地位上都是不如他们的上代。小析:indeed, this may be the first generation to do worse psychologically and socially than its parents系思想内容极为深刻的慨叹,而原译很难让读者读出感情。 kylepluto按:我觉得这句翻译成“他们是第一代无论在心理上还是社会地位上都是不如他们的上代的人”比较顺嘴,不知各位有何高见?

17.原文:the novelist pat conroy has observed that “each divorce is the death of a small civilization.” no one feels this more acutely than children. 译文:小说家帕特·康洛伊说过:“每一起离婚都是一丁点文明的泯灭。”痛感于此者,莫过于儿童了。改译:小说家帕特·康洛伊评述道:“每一起离婚都是一丁点文明的泯灭。” 痛感于此者,莫过于儿童了。小析:observed为庄重大词,不能简单译成“说”。
 
待续
 

 
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