差不多先生传

胡适

你知道中国最有名的人是谁? 提起此人，人人皆晓，处处闻名。他姓差，名不多，是各省各县各村人氏。你一定见过他，一定听过别人谈起他。差不多先生的名字天天挂在大家的口头，因为他是中国全国人的代表。

差不多先生的相貌和你和我都差不多。他有一双眼睛，但看的不很清楚；有两只耳朵，但听的不很分明；有鼻子和嘴，但他对于气味和口味都不很讲究。他的脑子也不小，但他的记性却不很精明，他的思想也不很细密。

他常常说：“凡事只要差不多，就好了。何必太精明呢?”

他小的时候，他妈叫他去买红糖，他买了白糖回来。他妈骂他，他摇摇头说：“红糖白糖不是差不多吗?”

他在学堂的时候，先生问他：“直隶省的西边是哪一省?”他说是陕西。先生说：“错了。是山西，不是陕西。”他说：“陕西同山西，不是差不多吗?”

后来他在一个钱铺里作伙计；他也会写，也会算，只是总不会精细。十字常常写成千字，千字常常写成十字。掌柜的生气了，常常骂他。他只是笑嘻嘻地赔小心道：“千字比十字只多一小撇，不是差不多吗?”

有一天，他为了一件要紧的事，要搭火车到上海去。他从从容容地走到火车站，迟了两分钟，火车已经开走了。他白瞪着眼，望着远远的火车上的煤烟，摇摇头道：“只好明天再走了，今天走同明天走，也差不多。可是火车公司未免太认真了。8点30分开，同8点32分开，不是差不多吗?”他一面说，一面慢慢地走回家，心里总不明白为什么火车不肯等他两分钟。

有一天，他忽然得了急病，赶快叫家人去请东街的汪医生。那家人急急忙忙地跑去，一时寻不着东街的汪大夫，却把西街牛医王大夫请来了。差不多先生病在床上，知道寻错了人；但病急了，身上痛苦，心里焦急，等不得了，心里想道：“好在王大夫同汪大夫也差不多，让他试试看罢。”于是这位牛医王大夫走近床前，用医牛的法子给差不多先生治病。不上一点钟，差不多先生就一命呜呼了。

差不多先生差不多要死的时候，一口气断断续续地说道：“活人同死人也……差……差不多，……凡事只要……差……差……不多……就……好了，……何……何……必……太……太认真呢?”他说完了这句格言，方才绝气了。

他死后，大家都很称赞差不多先生样样事情看得破，想得通；大家都说他一生不肯认真，不肯算帐，不肯计较，真是一位有德行的人。于是大家给他取个死后的法号，叫做圆通大师。

他的名誉越传越远，越久越大。无数无数的人都学他的榜样。于是人人都成了一个差不多先生。——然而中国从此就成为一个懒人国了。

Mr. About-the-Same

 Hu Shih

Do you know who is the most well-known person in China?

The name of this person is a household word all over the country. His surname is Cha and his given name, Buduo, which altogether mean "About the Same". He is a native of every province, every county and every village in this country. You must have seen or heard about this person. His name is always on the lips of everybody because he is representative of the whole Chinese nation.

Mr. Cha Buduo has the same physiognomy as you and I. He has a pair of eyes, but doesn't see clearly. He has a pair of ears, but doesn't hear well. He has a nose and a mouth, but lacks a keen sense of smell and taste. His brain is none too small, but he is weak in memory and sloppy in thinking. 

He often says, "Whatever we do, it's OK to be just about right. What's the use of being precise and accurate?"

One day, when he was a child, his mother sent him out to buy her some brown sugar, but he returned with some white sugar instead. As his mother scolded him about it, he shook his head and said, "Brown sugar or white sugar, aren't they about the same?"

One day in school, the teacher asked him, "Which province borders Hebei on the west?" He answered, "Shaanxi." The teacher corrected him, "You are wrong. It's Shanxi, not Shaanxi. " He reported, "Shaanxi or Shanxi, aren't they about the same?"

Later Mr. Cha Buduo served as an assistant at a money shop. He could write and calculate all right, but his mathematics was often faulty. He would mistake the Chinese character 十 (meaning 10) for 千 (meaning 1000) or vice versa. The shop owner was infuriated and often took him to task. But he would only explain apologetically with a grin, "The Character 千 differs from 十 in merely having one additional short stroke. Aren't they about the same?"

One day, he wanted to go to Shanghai by train on urgent business. But he arrived at the railway station unhurriedly only to find the train already gone, because he was two minutes late. He stood staring helplessly at the smoke belching from the diminishing train, and shook his head, "Well, all I can do is leave tomorrow. After all, today and tomorrow are about the same. But isn't the railway company taking it too seriously? What's the difference between departing at 8:30 and 8:32?" He walked home slowly while talking to himself and kept puzzling over why the train hadn't waited for him for another two minutes.

One day he suddenly fell ill and immediately told one of his family to fetch Dr. Wāng of East Street. The latter went in a hurry, but could't find the physician on East Street. So he fetched instead Veterinarian Wáng of West Street. Mr. Cha Buduo, lying on his sickbed, knew that a wrong person had been brought home. But, what with pain and worry, he could ill afford to wait any longer. So he said to himself, "Luckily, Vet Wáng is about the same as Dr. Wāng. Why not let Vet Wáng have a try?" Thereupon, the veterinarian walked up to his bed to work on him as if he were a cow. Consequently, Mr. Cha Buduo kicked the bucket before an hour was out.

When Mr. Cha Buduo was about to breathe his last, he uttered intermittently in one breath, "Live or die, it's about ... about ... the same...Whatever we do ...it's OK ... to be ... just ... just about right .... Why...why...take it...so seriously?" As soon as he finished this pet phrase of his, he stopped breathing.

After Mr. Cha Buduo's death, people all praised him for his way of seeing through things and his philosophical approach to life. They said that he refused to take things seriously all his life and that he was never calculating or particular about personal gains or losses. So they called him a virtuous man and honored him with the posthumous reverent title Master of Easy-Going.

His name has spread far and wide and become more and more celebrated with the passing of time. Innumerable people have come to follow his example, so that everybody has become a Mr. Cha Buduo. But lo, China will hence be a nation of lazybones!

（张培基 译）