Do you ever feel invisible? Or find yourself worrying if a friend ignores your messages, but still has the time to update his WeChat Moments?
你是不是有时觉得自己的存在感为零？给人发消息迟迟收不到回复，却看他忽然发了条朋友圈，此时的你内心是否还能毫无波动？
Do you get heart palpitations when your phone suddenly goes berserk the instant you step off a plane? What about if all those messages are "@" mentions from every group chat in your phone?
刚下飞机就收到一堆消息，还被每个群的人@了遍，你是不是感到头晕心悸？
Do you feel on tenterhooks when the working day is done, but no one else wants to be the first to leave?
明明到了下班时间，却因为没人先走不敢起身，你是否觉得如坐针毡？
If you answered "yes" to any of the above, then you just might have a modern social phobia.
如果对于上述任何问题你的回答是肯定的，那么恭喜你，你疑似患有现代社交恐惧症。
Professional psychiatrists have identified many different kinds of "phobia", from acrophobia, or a fear of heights, to agoraphobia, or a fear of public spaces. These are often linked to genetic and psychological factors.
精神病学上也有诸多恐惧症概念，譬如恐高症、广场恐惧症云云；这些恐惧症一般与遗传或心理因素相关。
Now we can't claim to be psychiatrists, but I have drawn up a (very unscientific) list of 10 phobias that we've identified in everyday modern life.
虽然不敢自诩精神病学家，CD君假装专业地整理了当代生活里的10种恐惧症。
没人搭理恐惧症
NOBODY-CARES-O-PHOBIA
When your messages to someone have been ignored, but then you find out that he or she "liked" someone else's WeChat Moments — curse your perceptiveness!
对方不回你的消息，却在别人朋友圈下点赞。你第一次如此厌恶自己敏锐的观察力。
Salt in the wound: Even if you send red packets in the group chat, nobody answers.
最扎心时刻：在群里发红包都没有人领。
Treatment: Take a screenshot of the "like" you spotted and send it to the one who's ignoring you.
治疗方法：截图他点赞的朋友圈，发给他并厉声质问。
Truth: Deep down, you know you're just not that special to them.
真相时刻：你根本没什么特别的，别告诉我你不知道。
零赞恐惧症
NO-LIKE-A-PHOBIA
After what seems like an age poring over the words and pictures in your latest social media post, you finally summon up the courage to press "send". The minutes tick by, but it doesn't receive any likes. All the while you feel like you've been punched in the gut or shot through by a thousand arrows at once.
字斟句酌瘦脸磨皮拉腿美白后鼓足勇气发了条朋友圈。一分钟后发现居然零赞，瞬间感受到了世界“南蛮入侵”“万箭齐发”“诸葛连弩加八个黑杀”般的暴力连击。
Salt in the wound: A similar post by a friend or co-worker received hundreds of likes from your mutual friends, while you get none.
最扎心时刻：和朋友或同事发布相同内容的朋友圈，自己零赞，别人爆赞。
Treatment: Give yourself a like, you deserve it.
治疗方法：给自己点赞，你值得拥有。
Truth: Maybe you're just being a drama queen.
真相时刻：你以为没有人看穿你的戏精本质？
提到你恐惧症
@-YOU-O-PHOBIA
After a quick shower, you find you've got 18 unread messages on WeChat as well as five "@" mentions in your group chats. You become so anxious that you'd rather call an ambulance than wade through all these posts.
只是冲了个澡，回来打开微信居然跳出了18条未读消息，还有5个群里有人@了你。你开始紧张，胸闷，发抖，迟迟不敢打开消息框，只想拨打120。
Salt in the wound: You're mentioned in a group chat even though the message wasn't meant for you.
最扎心时刻：就算和你没关系也要把你@出来。
Treatment: Change your group alias eight times and profile picture ten times daily.
治疗方法：每天更改8次群昵称，换10次头像。
Truth: Aren't you aware of how much work you've left undone?
真相时刻：你有多少工作没做完，自己心里没数么？
半熟不生恐惧症
MEDIUM-RARE-A-PHOBIA
A chance encounter with a new co-worker makes your blood freeze. You try to flash a reluctant smile, but it looks more like a grimace because you feel like bursting into tears.
刚来公司不久，在洗手间偶遇上厕所的新同事，你头皮发麻、心头一紧，结果只挤出了一个比哭还难看的笑容，但这的确是你内心的真实写照。
Salt in the wound: When the co-worker greets you with a warm: "Oh hey! It's, umm... you!"
最扎心时刻：同事对你热情地打招呼：“诶这不是......呃……同事吗？”
Treatment: Closely study gossip magazines to learn how to imitate celebrities' fake smiles.
治疗方法：潜心研究时尚杂志，认真模仿明星假笑。
Truth: Your co-worker is probably as embarrassed as you are, especially if he or she can't remember your name!
真相时刻：对方也许根本不记得你，人家也很尴尬的好不好。
微信文章删除恐惧症
POST-DELETED-O-PHOBIA
You want to read a popular WeChat article, but it's been deleted before you can. Suddenly, feelings of abandonment, missing out and self-hatred hit you like a ton of bricks.
点进一篇被转疯了的文章，发现已被删除，顿生一种“被世界遗弃”+“好像错过很了不起的东西”+“为什么手慢的总是我”型被迫害妄想症。
Salt in the wound: Halfway through reading the article, you leave to answer a WeChat message. When you come back, it's been deleted.
最扎心时刻：读到一半去回了个微信，再回来发现文章已被删。
Treatment: Share the article on your WeChat Moments straight away and just pretend that you've read it.
治疗方法：直接转发，装作已读。
Truth: You don't care whether the article is interesting or not anyway.
真相时刻：反正你也不在乎文章写的有没有意思。
聊天终结者恐惧症
ENDLESS-TALK-O-PHOBIA
Although the actual conversation ended long ago, you keep exchanging emojis with your co-worker for fear of offending them with your lack of a response. First a smiley face, then a laughing face, then a happy face, which leads to a hilarious GIF…
明明已经结束了对话，但感觉晾着同事的微信不回就是道德沦丧禽兽不如，于是你回了个笑脸，收到回复后又发了个嘻嘻，然后又做了个嗨森表情，接着又扔了个鬼畜GIF......
Salt in the wound: You respond one last time, only to find your message has been rejected by the other person.
最扎心时刻：等你准备再次回复时，发现对方已开启朋友验证。
Treatment: Collect as many GIFs as possible.
治疗方法：收藏一吨表情包。
Truth: By this point in the back-and-forth, are either of you really having a good time?
真相时刻：你们真的觉得这样打太极很开心？
人生导师恐惧症
MENTOR-O-PHOBIA
Just as straight-A students often hate giving study advice, businessmen don't like talking about how they make money and programmers are reluctant to help repair computers, you are afraid of becoming a mentor. What if you offer the wrong guidance? Or worse, can't answer your pupil's questions? It could completely destroy your reputation!
就像学霸怕被问如何学习，商人怕被问如何赚钱，程序员怕被请去修电脑，你害怕做人生导师的原因，可能只是怕没能给出最好的方法，或者无法解答对方的疑惑，从而导致自己人设崩塌。
Salt in the wound: As the so-called mentor, you don't know how to solve your own problems.
最扎心时刻：“人生导师”自己的人生出了问题却无人可问。
Treatment: Read self-help literature to learn what it takes to become a great mentor.
治疗方法：研读成功学书籍，练就过硬心理素质。
Truth: People's impressions of you are never as good as you think. Relax, you're going to be fine!
真相时刻：你以为人人都觉得你是个小可爱吗？你想太多了，轻松点。
先走恐惧症
LEAVE-FIRST-O-PHOBIA
You should never be the first one to leave, right? If you're at the office, it marks you out as a bad worker, while if you're at a party it's just plain rude. So, stuck between a rock and a hard place, you end up playing the game of "you move, I move".
别做最先离开办公室的人，K歌时永远别第一个喊着要回家。在“先走的就不是好员工，先撤的就不是好朋友”的幼稚心态的支配下，每个人都玩起了“你不动，我也不敢动”的木头人游戏。
Salt in the wound: You've been in the KTV for hours and by now everyone's throat is sore, but no one wants to make a move. There's nothing else for it — it's time to put on Taylor Swift's Look What You Made Me Do.
最扎心时刻：KTV局已唱到喉咙沙哑，但因为没人先走，只好又点了一首霉霉的Look What You Made Me Do。
Treatment: Always be the last to leave. Even if it means never actually leaving.
治疗方法：永远最后一个离开。（这还叫离开？）
Truth: The longer you stay, the more it will influence those around you to stay longer. Be the change you want to see in the world.
真相时刻：你呆的时间越久，别人撑的时间更久。要改变世界就先改变自己啊。
飞行模式关闭恐惧症
FLIGHT-MODE-OFF-A-PHOBIA
You're on a plane. Your phone is switched off. Finally, some peace and quiet! But in the back of your mind, you know that as soon as the wheels touch the ground the messages will come flooding in again like a rapid-fire machine gun.
飞机上你享受的清净，必将在飞机降落、取消飞行模式后，加倍偿还给你。蹭蹭往上蹿的未读信息数，仿佛机关枪把你扫射得千疮百孔。
Salt in the wound: You've just landed at your destination on the first day of your annual leave when your phone suddenly starts buzzing with some work-related query.
最扎心时刻：刚在目的地降落，准备休年假的第一天，工作的信息却没消停过。
Treatment: Demand Wi-Fi on all the flights you take so you can always keep in touch.
治疗方法：要求各大航空公司尽快普及空中Wi-Fi。
Truth: A holiday away from work, in this day and age? Good luck!
真相时刻：断网式假期？在21世纪？别天真了宝贝！
出门前恐惧症
DOUBLE-CHECK-A-PHOBIA
You're getting ready to go out. You check you've got your keys, cellphone, wallet and mobile charger. Then you check again, just to make sure. As you're leaving your apartment, you try the door a couple of times to ensure that it's locked. Then you get in the elevator and descend to the first floor. But did you remember to switch off the TV? Time to get back in the elevator and go back home to check again.
出门第一步：钥匙、手机、钱包、证件、充电宝......反复确认一件不落；
第二步：用力推门数次确认门真的锁好了；
第三步：走进电梯下到一楼；
第四部：进电梯回家再查一遍电视关了没。
Salt in the wound: The elevator is broken.
最扎心时刻：电梯坏了。
Treatment: They say that walnuts are good for your brain, you know.
治疗方法：多吃核桃能补脑。
Truth: It's all a part of getting older.
真相时刻：你老了。
以上十大病症，你中招了吗？
来源：中国日报双语新闻
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