（括号为不妥之处，注释为修改）

In reality, a large number (1) of money have (2) been funded (3) on the development of human 
population in order to enhance the living standard (4). Although government (5) and animal lovers  have started to assist in conservation of animals, lacking of money and social awareness is still a key problem of animal conservation program(6). Now people should care and pay more for animals rather than living in luxury.(7)Government(8) have put certain fund on wild animals, while a few part of them was spent on protecting animals legally. (9) Instead, large account
(10) of money has been cost (11) to murder them. eg.(12) in scientific research, animals are more like victims whose body might suffer a lot even damaged through experiment in aiming of coming out a result from experiment, rather than lucky ones who can benefit lots care and love from human being(13). (14) From long term (15) view, government(16) should not only spend money for current profits but also pay more for our generations (17). Admittedly, although money has been gathered to set conversation program  (18) for animals, it is so limited that animals could not get a better care in zoos. Lacking of money is the mainly (19) problem to maintain the running of zoos, which cause the animals have to transform to another area, (20) and some of them could die for (21) the frequently (22) traveling (23) and uncomfortable weather. Animals are facing awful fate unless government (24) could settle the financial issue by all means. 

To sum up, animals (25) lovers should do more effort (26) to save the endangered  (27) animals especially rare species,(28) by wakening up the social awareness and donating money. Where people could save money for animals ,when we will get benefit from wildlife.(29) 

修改批注：

1 number 修饰可数名词，应为 sum 

2 主谓一致，单数主语应该用 has 

3 fund 作动词的时候不这么用。 Cf: The project is jointly funded by several local companies. 此处应用 spent. 

4 拼写错误及单复数。应为： people's living standards. 

5 此处应加定冠词 the. 

6 拼写错误。应为： program. 

7 中心思想句可改写为： I shall argue that more money should be allocated to and greater efforts should be made 
on the protection of animal life. 

8 单复数。应为： Governments. 

9 这句话的意思含糊不清。 

10 用词及单复数。应为： a large amount of 

11 词的用法错误。 Cost (sb) sth. 例： How much did the work cost you? 这里的主语是 money ，不能用 cost ，可以用 allot, appropriate 拨款，或 spend, use 花钱。 

12 不要用缩略语。应改为： For example. 

13 Human beings. 

14 这整句话虽然是个长句，但是意思不清楚。 

15 A long-term. 

16 应加定冠词 the government. 

17 后代应该是 future generations 或者 the generations to come. 

18 拼写及单复数。应为： conservation programs. 

19 词性。修饰名词的应该用形容词： main. 

20 这个分句问题较多：情态助动词、动词用法、被动语态和单复数。应为： which may cause the animals to be transformed to other areas. 

21 搭配。应为： die from. 

22 词性。应为： frequent. 

23 拼写。应为： travelling. 

24 冠词： the government 或 the authorities. 

25 名词修饰名词，一般用单数。应为： animal. 

26 搭配及单复数。应为： make more efforts, step up sustained efforts 或 make concerted attempts 等。 

27 拼写。应为： endangered. 

28 应为：… animals, especially the rare species, … 

29 最后一句话喊了个口号，但不知道喊的是什么：）